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"Angels come to visit us,
and we only know them when they are gone!"
A Whole New World . . . TEN years ago today
that you decided you just could not stay
But why did you go, my precious Louise
to this far away place, on Thanksgiving Day!
A Whole New World Mom, is where I have chosen to be
A hundred thousand things I've always wanted to see
A dazzling place I never knew
A new horizon for me to pursue
Lving in this New World . . . is not how I ever dreamed,
who was to ever know that TEN years ago today
my whole world would fall apart
and it was to be, that you just could no longer stay.
A Whole New World Mom . . . is where I am now
Oh how beautiful and breathtaking Heaven is too
Even though I can no longer live there on Earth
I will always be . . . never far away from you.
A Whole New World . . . TEN years ago today
I had to learn to relive my life all over again
all I know is that you will always be
My Sunshine and my Inspiration to every day's beginning.
Yes Mom . . . because of what I have given you
in my short thirteen and a half years
you shall 'go' on . . . to live in your Whole New World
as I have gone on to live in mine . . .
. . . and remember Mom, one day we will meet again
and I will welcome you to this New World of mine
but until then, remember, I'm never far away.
Loving you . . . As Big As The Sky . . . and the Whole World's Galaxies,
Today, Tomorrow and FOREVER,
My Precious Daughter/Forever Your Mom
Note: Originally written 11/25/99 by Louise's Mom ©
I REMEMBER HER
They say it was too long ago
But I remember how the pain hit from below
You never know what you have until it’s lost
Then grief and suffering is the cost
They say the memory of her is too far away
But I remember her like yesterday
I remember every word she’d say
I remember how she made everything seem okay
I remember every night I’d pray
To have her back some how, some way
They say her voice is completely faded
But accepting that it was gone is what I hated
They say she’s been deceased for ten sad years
But that doesn’t measure to all of my tears
They say she was pretty
But forever beautiful she’ll be
In my mind and my eyes
The memory of her never dies
Because she’s an angel who spreads her wings and flies
They say her smile would light up the room
Well that’s still here, not buried in her tomb
They say her laugh was music to the heart
Well I remember because that was my favorite part
I never got to say goodbye
But no worries, she’s right above us in the sky
Soaring way up high
She lets out oh-so softly a sigh
Because she’s been free
In God’s arms, she’s safe as can be
They said it was okay for me to cry
But I couldn’t.... I was numb inside
I never understood why
God choose her to die
A promise of a tomorrow was just a lie
They said I’d move on and get over it
But I could never let go of her one bit
She promised to always take care of me
She promised at my side she’d always be
She said she’d come back, well she was wrong
They said she held on to life very strong
And she fought to keep it so long
But it was only she that would know
It was time for her to go
They said I could talk to her whenever I’d want
But it wasn’t her spirit that I was afraid would haunt
It was the thought of never seeing her again
Or living without her for a year, or two, or ten
They said I wouldn’t remember years down the line
But I remember her so vivid, so define
I remember how she was mine
I remember how she was taken away in just a short time
On the most thankful morning sun rise
That I still look back at and despise
Having to believe she was out of my life
That’s what caused me all the strife
They said I’d forget her in an obscure way so serene
But I mourn in agony cuz I remember her, more real than a dream
Marina Angela Torres ©
(This was drawn by Louise's Sister Rochelle,
a gift to me for Mother's Day last year . . .
I always wanted a picture of Louise
with wings and she knew how much it meant
to me to have one, so she drew it herself . . .
I truly love it...I love you my Rochelley Smelley Bobelley *smile*)
There Were Many Moments With You...
(Just Not Enough Years)
A child is a gift from the Heavenly Father
that comes with many moments of love.
But what you think you'll hold for a lifetime,
may one day soar to the Heavens above.
Oh, now, I think back at the moments;
Precious moments I shared with you.
I think of the times that I heard you laugh...
There's nothing to compare it to.
I think of the times you sat with me;
Sharing the dreams you treasure.
And sharing the failures that you feared most...
Even these were moments of pleasure.
Every moment I shared with you was a joy!
So much more than you could know.
Just to hear each time your heart would beat...
Meant one more beat to help you grow!
Tonight, I sit & hold onto the photo albums;
Holding onto every single minute.
I look back & long for more time in life with you.
For more life while you were in it.
I see others around me and know that they
understand exactly how I feel.
For every moment I live without you
is a moment too painfully real.
So, I sit tonight longing to hold you.
I just can't hold back my tears.
There were many moments with you...
Oh ... Just not enough years.
Kaye Des'Ormeaux ~ © 2001
Special dedication to all Moms who have lost a child.
And to my sister, Linda, who I still
... An open letter to My Oldest Daughter Louise ...
“Always and FOREVER” ... Your Mom
On our 10th year without you in our lives!
~*~ November 25, 2003 ~*~
MY DEAREST MOST PRECIOUS DAUGHTER LOUISE:
Gosh has it been TEN YEARS since you've earned your Angel Wings
and flown away to Heaven?
Has it really been 10 years since we have seen you, touched you, held you
and even heard your voice? Why does it feel as if it was just yesterday?
Why must this pain be with us every waking day of our lives?
Will it ever go away? Please MAKE it GO AWAY...I HATE IT!
Why can't we ever be normal again with you in our lives?
Why can't we just wake up and see that it was all just a bad "dream"?
Was this the way it was suppose to be?
WHY wasn't I ever told you would eventually leave us
(not that it would have changed anything)? NOBODY ever told us
this would eventually happen!! This just doesn't make sense.
I MISS YOU LOUISE , I just can't fathom living another TEN years
without you….seeing your sisters grow up and do all the things
that you SHOULD BE HERE to do also....it just doesn’t seem right,
I can't EVEN believe I've come this far without YOU in our lives...
I just find it so hard to face REALITY!! I want REALITY to GO AWAY!!
So, REALITY is where I am today...TEN YEARS ago that you decided to "leave us"...
and the REALITY is that you are NOT going to come back.
REALITY is that you should be 23 years old here on EARTH
(in Heaven you will FOREVER be 13)...
oh how beautiful you would be at this age...gosh,
how I long to see you all grown up my precious Angel, just like your sisters.
I can just imagine what you would be like if you were here...
you'd be just as beautiful as they have grown up to be...
I see alittle bit of you in each of them...oh most definitely.
But you know what gets me through?
It's YOUR PICTURES...I SEE your pictures everyday
and SEE your BIG BEAUTIFUL SMILE, and you know what...
THAT SMILE is what gets me through the day
(oh my gosh, I'm crying...it's so hard to write this...
I'm just missing you so much)...but THAT SMILE is what keeps me going;
just remembering when that 'smile' was taken; why you were smiling...
and of course just listening to your sisters and sometimes
how their laughs can sound so much like yours...
reminds me so much of OUR happy times together too, all of us.
If it wasn't for them in my life and your father, I don't know where I'd be.
Your father...my goodness, I can't tell you about your father.
He is such a BLESSING in my life, just as you were.
We have been through so much together my Princess...I don't know where I'd be
if not for his "strength" and "will" to go on and to get me “through” as well...
gosh I LOVE HIM MORE TODAY than I can ever remember (oh how mushy).
WE GAVE EACH OTHER the most beautiful gift
anyone can ever give each other....A CHILD....a human being to love
and cherish for the rest of our lives....
and that is what I intend to do...to LOVE AND CHERISH “YOU”
MY PRECIOUS ANGEL and EVERYTHING you have EVER given us,
FOR THE REST OF “MY” LIFE!
My Precious Louise...We will FOREVER be grateful for the 13 1/2 years
you have given us of such beautiful memories
no one can ever take from us...
from the memories in our heart to the memories
captured on pictures and video.
Oh gosh, the thing we remember most is your big cheesy "I didn't do it"
and "nothing hurts me" smile.
You were always so full of life no matter what you were going through;
despite your “Heart Defect” or your “Blood Disorder”...
you were always so lively and bouncy and nothing ever got in the way of
letting you learn anything
and everything you wanted to know. We were and always will be
so proud of you Louise and everythng
you accomplished in your short life. We are so THANKFUL
that we had the opportunity
to let you know just that and how much WE LOVE YOU SO!
So Louise, what have you found out so far while you've been in Heaven?
I'm still waiting for you to come and tell me all about
this beautiful place everyone talks about. Is it true what they say?
Tell me, do you see all the Beautiful Angels, which parents I have met "down here"?
And the boys...they are quite gorgeous, don't you think?
I know, I can hear you already saying..."OH MOM".
What I would do to hear those words again.
My heart aches for all these wonderful people
I have met that have lost chlidren too and know the pain that I feel.
I would have NEVER done it without them...
they are my support and my strength...THEY KNOW what I am talking about
when I tell them how much I am hurting and am missing you.
THEY DON'T shut me up, like some people would do,
when I bring up your name or when I just want to talk about you.
They KNOW the "ME" I am now...
this is the ME I have become AFTER losing you!
Well Angel, the day is here, 10 years since you "earned" your wings,
all I know is...it’s so difficult going through life, day-by-day,
just knowing that I will never be able to see you grow up;
I yearn for that so much, the pain is just so unbearable,
It just hurts to know that it will never be.
I just want you here with us…I want to be able to see your smile everyday
when you are happy or just being silly,
I want to be able to hug you when you are hurting or just need to be hugged,
I want to see you grow up into that beautiful young lady
that you were turning into, I want to see you fall in love with that ‘man’ of your dreams,
I want to see you walk down that isle when you marry this man of your dreams,
I want to see you have your firstborn child…
so many ‘I wants’ that I will never see with you Louise…life is just not fair.
I DON’T want to have to live without you another TEN YEARS…
I HURT SO BAD because I'm missing you so much,
yes EVEN AFTER all this time has gone by!
This all just doesn't seem right. It's not the way the ORDER of LIFE
is suppose to be. I have no choice but to let you go…just for now…
I know you have alot of adventures to continue on with
in your “New World”, all I can say at this time is...till we meet again...
I WILL ALWAYS BE MISSING YOU, LOVING YOU AND
THINKING OF YOU DAILY WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE...
AND TEARS IN MY HEART.
Take care of yourself Baby Girl...
and please give Grama a great big hug for me...
tell her that I miss her too...she'll always be MY MOTHER...
just like I will ALWAYS BE YOURS!
~*~ I will Always & Forever be LOVING YOU ~*~
Revised: November 25, 2003
SHE IS GONE
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
This webpage is created In Loving Memory of
~ My Precious Daughter ~Louise Antoinette's 10-year Anniversary
that she earned her Angel Wingsby Louise's Mom FOREVER, Rosemary Torres©on November 15, 2003
Changes last made March 15, 2012
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