Thanksgiving Morning, 1993 ... a holiday that you use to say “it means being thankful to God for everything he has done for us and our families.” I quote you as saying “you must think deep inside your heart to find the true meaning” in the last school newsletter you submitted before you went into the hospital. I can honestly say after 5 years of being without you, I have “searched” deep inside my heart to find the true meaning
of “MY” Thanksgiving ... and that is being Thankful to God for giving us such a beautiful gift in the name of
Louise Antoinette Torres on June 18, 1980.
Since the day you were born, I knew you were our “Special Angel”. God gave you special to us for a reason only he knows.
There are so many people that learned from you including us, your parents. As the years went by and we watched you grow from a child into a beautiful young woman, we were always so proud to say “That’s our Daughter”. Thank you our precious Louise, for 13-1/2 years of your genuine love and beautiful cherished memories only you can give us and for letting us love you. We will treasure this all close to our heart’s forever!
Our hearts will always have that special place that only you had filled; and no matter what, you will always be a part of our lives and no person, place or thing can or will ever replace you. We miss your big “happy” smile and the beautiful person that you had become. Until we meet again Louise, we will never forget you and all you stood for! As we continue to painfully live our lives without you, you will always be in our thoughts and in our hearts! We miss you and will FOREVER love you so much!
“Always and Forever”
Dad, Mom and Sisters: Michelle, Rochelle, Marina and Brianna
November 25, 1998
... An open letter to My Oldest Daughter Louise ...
On our 5th year without you in our lives!
~*~ November 25, 1998 ~*~
"Always and Forever"....Mom
MY DEAREST MOST PRECIOUS DAUGHTER LOUISE:
Gosh has it been FIVE YEARS since you've earned your Angel Wings and flown away to Heaven? Has it really been 5 years since we have seen you, touched you, held you and even heard your voice? Why does it feel as if it was just yesterday? Why must this pain be with us every waking day of our lives? Will it ever go away? Please MAKE it GO AWAY...I HATE IT! Why can't we ever be normal again with you in our lives? Why can't we just wake up and see that it was all just a "dream"? Was this the way it was suppose to be? WHY wasn't I ever told you would eventually leave us (not that it would have changed anything)? NOBODY ever told us this would eventually happen!! This just doesn't make sense. I MISS YOU LOUISE (tears running down my cheeks), I can't go on living another 5 years without you...I can't EVEN believe I've come this far without YOU in my life... It's just so hard to face REALITY!! I want REALITY to GO AWAY!!
So, REALITY is where I am today...almost FIVE YEARS come November 25th, that you decided to "leave us"...and the REALITY is that you are NOT going to come back. REALITY is that you are now 18 years old (well here on Earth you would be)...oh how beautiful you must be at this age...gosh, how I long to see you all grown up my precious Angel. I can just imagine what you would be like if you were here...I'm sure you'd be just as beautiful as your sisters have grown up to be...I see alittle bit of you in each of them...oh most definitely. But you know what gets me through? It's YOUR PICTURES...I SEE your pictures everyday and SEE your BIG BEAUTIFUL SMILE, and you know what...THAT SMILE is what gets me through the day (oh my gosh, I'm crying...it's so hard to write this...I'm just missing you so much)...but THAT SMILE is what keeps me going and of course the smiles I get from your sisters as well. If it wasn't for them in my life and your father, I don't know where I'd be. Your father...my goodness, I can't tell you about your father. He is such a BLESSING in my life, just as you were. We have been through so much together Baby...I don't know where I'd be if not for his "strength" and "will" to go on and to get me through” as well...gosh I LOVE HIM MORE TODAY than I can ever remember (oh how mushy). WE GAVE EACH OTHER the most beautiful gift anyone can ever give each other....A CHILD....a
human being to love and cherish for the rest of our lives....and that is what I intend to do...to LOVE AND CHERISH “YOU” MY PRECIOUS ANGEL and EVERYTHING you have EVER given us, FOR THE REST OF “MY” LIFE!
My Precious Louise...We will FOREVER be grateful for the 13 1/2 years you have given us of such beautiful memories no one can ever take from us...from the memories in our heart to the memories captured on pictures and video. What we remember most is your big cheesy "I didn't do it" and "nothing hurts me" smile. You were always so full of life no matter what you were going through; despite your “Heart Defect” or your “Blood Disorder”...you were always so lively and bouncy and nothing ever got in the way of letting you learn anything and everything you wanted to know. We were and always will be so proud of you Louise and everything you accomplished in your short life. We are so THANKFUL that we had the opportunity to let you know just that and how much WE LOVE YOU SO!
So Louise, what have you found out so far while you've been in Heaven? I'm still waiting for you to come and tell me all about this beautiful place everyone talks about. Is it true what they say? Tell me, do you see all the Beautiful Angels, which parents I have met "down here"? There are just so many, I'm sure you know them all...you were so great at making "friends". You LOVED people!! And the boys...they are quite gorgeous, don't you think? I know, I can hear you already saying..."OH MOM". What I would do to hear those words again. But, let me tell you...because of you being in Heaven, I have met the most wonderfullest people "down here" that have lost chlidren too and know that pain. I would have NEVER done it without them all...they are my support and my strength...THEY KNOW what I am talking about when I tell them how much I am hurting and miss you so. THEY DON'T shut me up, like some people, when I bring up your name or when I just want to talk about you. They KNOW the "ME" I am now...this is the ME I have become AFTER losing you!
Well Angel, as we approach this 5 year mark since you "earned" your wings, all I know is...I can't do this anymore...I HURT SO BAD because I'm missing you so much, EVEN AFTER all this time has gone by! This all just doesn't seem right. It's not the way the ORDER of LIFE is suppose to be. But, I will be letting you go for now...I know you have alot of adventures to continue on with in your “New World”, all I can say at this time is...till we meet again...I WILL ALWAYS BE MISSING YOU, LOVING YOU AND THINKING OF YOU DAILY WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE...AND TEARS IN MY HEART. Take care of yourself Baby Girl...and please give Grama a great big hug for me...tell her that I miss her too...she'll always be MY MOTHER...just like I will ALWAYS BE YOURS!
~*~ I will Always & Forever be LOVING YOU ~*~
In Loving Memory of My Oldest Daughter
From One Father...to Another
“A Message that Helped Comfort My Heart”
There will be messages from your child to help heal your heart; It doesn’t bring them back to us, but it helps us get through the tough times! We just have to believe. Some of us refuse to believe, but that doesn’t make it not true that our children are always with us. You may have more than one
message come to you, so write them down, share them with others, cherish them in your heart.
I want to share something that happen to me. It had been almost a year since Louise left us. I was on my way back frrom Sacramento when I felt that she was very much with me. It was 3:00 a.m., I was on I-5, and I was in my work truck. I had no radio or CB to keep me company. I started thinking of her, as I always did, about the good times we all had together. About the big smile on her face she always had. About how she was growing up to be such a beautiful young woman. About all the vacations we all took together and what a ham she was in front of the camera. Thinking about what college she would be attending after she got out of high school; about how proud I was of her being such a wonderful Daughter that she was. (You
see, what you done now Louise, you got me crying!) Thinking about how she would say “Oh Mom”, “Oh Dad”, you have to let me be me.
Well this was like any other time that I thought of her. Like I said, I was in my work truck, 3:00 a.m. on I-5. This time was a little different because I was thinking of her so much, I was weeping. But not just weeping, It was an uncontrollable sob, it was really coming down in buckets. I can’t remember when I wept so much, that I started calling out her name, “Louise, Louise, Louise”. I don’t know why, maybe because I hadn’t heard her name or because I hadn’t said her name in awhile. Every time I said your name, I would sob more and more. At that point where I was just missing her so much...I came across a sign, that read “NEXT EXIT LOUISE AVE!” It brought a smile to my face and at the same time, it gave me that peaceful feeling inside knowing that she was with me, no matter where I was, and it made me realize that there is life after death.
I’ll never forget that morning, it will be dear to my heart.
I WILL FOREVER BE, “Louise’s Dad”
This webpage is created for Louise Antoinette Torres